M O N D A Y

Pretty sure he took the day off today as it’s his birthday, so I’m avoiding the beach bar today, and tomorrow too, as I know he will be there for sure. Instead I made different plans and a change of scenery will do me good.

I didn’t think sending him a happy birthday text would be a good idea, but fuck it, I’m not a dick, so I did. If he doesn’t respond with a thank you, then obviously he’s a dick.

It’s time to take this useless energy and invest it solely in me again, and be very, very, selfish in my decisions, to protect my own happiness and cultivate it. That’s what I’m doing this week and I know this is for the best.

I’m still focusing on weight loss and working out and so far I’ve lost about 7 lbs. It’s a very slow process but it’s working and the weight is staying off. I am losing about 2.2 lbs a month, so it’s slow but steady. My goal is to tone and tighten and I have the drive and the patience for it.

My favorite workouts are swimming and Zumba right now during these hot summer months. Unfortunately it’s been pretty windy, so there are always waves in the water which is very annoying while swimming but I still do it. Zumba I love because it’s a group workout, and you really burn a lot of calories during this 1 hour group session, and it also makes you so happy as dancing is fun and the music is great.

Looking forward to this awesome week off of fun, sun, sea and relaxation. XOXO

UPDATE: He texted me to thank me for the birthday wishes. So he isn’t a complete dick after all but he might be a dick regardless, who knows… I’m gonna quietly remove myself from this situation and let pieces fall where they may because I have my own life to live.

Another guy, a new guy likes me and this of course has given me some power back, but I’m not interested in him, only as a friend, but still it’s always nice to be desired.

UPDATE #2: My friend who is also his friend specifically asked me What about you and (his name) and if anything was going on now……. I haven’t talked to her about him in months, so I was surprised that she brought him up, especially since last time when we couldn’t get together we moved on from that convo and topic for good. Hmm has he said anything to her about me? Perhaps but I’m thinking highly unlikely… Interesting…

 

 

SUNDAY: not as much of a funday after all

Sunday started off ok. I saw him early on and was fine with it.

Then after 1-2 hours I saw her and actually felt sorry for her. They work them hard at the beach bar. Saw her carrying heavy ice trays and emptying them and she had a hole on the back of her black tight shorts on the butt. But I mean we all pick our jobs, they don’t pick us, so I shouldn’t feel bad. I spoke to my friends when I got home, and one of them said don’t feel sorry for her and she is right, I shouldn’t.

I still don’t know if the rumor is true but I didn’t want to find out either, although I had the opportunity to.

I just wanted the time to fly by fast and the day to be done.

I was fine up until about 6 or so. After my mood just got weird, but I think it was the combo of not enough sleep, getting my period early in the morning and way too many people came to the beach bar. It was overcrowded and it was too much for me, so I left early. I also couldn’t look at him after anymore. He gave me this look, a good look and it just killed me. I felt like I needed a break from him.

I got home and texted with my girlfriends who made me feel better, but are unfortunately all far away; London and Arizona. What I needed was a Girls Night in with a good comedy or rom com, wine and treats. I watched one of my fave rom com movies and went to sleep after.

 

 

Not the Update I was looking for…

I think I found out what that recent change in behavior was all about. I have noticed that he has been spending some time with one of the beach bar servers… I didn’t think too deeply into it at first because this girl is moody and never smiles and has this sort of energy around her that just isn’t a pleasant happy one.

On my day off and his day off too, on Wednesday when I got to the beach bar, he was there chatting with her, just casual convo, something about one of his life experiences, sharing some info with her and then he asked her if she knows how to play Checkers and they played a game together.

Last weekend, I also saw a video online of them out with other mutual friends after work and yes a thought of maybe something is happening/could happen here has crossed my mind but then again I know they are all friends and hang out so I didn’t think too much of it.

Also today I saw them chatting at the beach bar for a bit.

I saw something online a few hours ago, a video of both of them at the beach bar and the person that shared the video basically wrote that they are starting a romance together or whatever and that it’s new and that it’s a secret. Of course now I can’t sleep……

I texted and asked if she was his girlfriend…. Because I have to know, I don’t know why, but I do. And I feel this urgency to know if it’s real ASAP. Hopefully I get some sleep tonight. I will see them both at the beach bar tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confused – Part 2

I saw him tonight and I’m confused again. He has been looking at me a lot. You don’t look at someone you don’t like like this. We were standing close to each other too. As I was picking up my bag and beach towel and was ready to leave the beach bar area, he was observing my every move. I noticed that as soon as I left, he left the beach bar area too.

I don’t know what’s up, but I might keep an eye on how he behaves. I didn’t really look at him much, not after that text I sent last night. I completely ignored him tonight. I usually do. I guess from outside it looks like I’m the one that doesn’t give a fuck.

His eyes on me felt good though. I missed his attention. I crave it.
I can’t look at him for too long, I always feel like I’m getting sucked in.

I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling, I just wanted it to continue and I wanted more. As I was leaving, fantasies in my mind started playing…

About Last Night…

I texted him last night “Miss you” but didn’t get a reply back. The truth is I miss him missing me. I went to bed with tears in my eyes. I hit a temporary low.

This morning I’m back to normal and looking forward to a fun weekend. It’s time to move on, but that’s really hard to do when I see him every week.

There are only 2 ways to move on:

  1. When the beach bar closes for the season in 7 weeks – out of sight, out of mind.
  2. If I actually meet a guy I really life

Luckily there’s not a long way to go until the beach bar closes, so after that I won’t see him at all for a while. I honestly felt like I don’t wanna see him at all anymore right now, but unfortunately all my friends are there so I can’t quit the beach bar – I tried that before and it only made me more sad and isolated.

7 weeks then I will try the 30 Day No Contact Rule for real, the right way you are supposed to do it. Meanwhile I want to meet someone new. Fingers crossed…

C O N F U S E D

I am a bit confused at the moment… I told my guy last week that I have today off & he agreed he wanted to see me. But the closer we got to my day off, the more I felt like there was something in the way again – not sure what.

Today I sent him hot pic but no reply, now that’s off – very weird. I thought ok he is with someone, that’s the only explanation that makes sense to me. So I get to my beach bar & guess who is there enjoying their day off too? Yup, him.

Nothing happened today. We did our separate things. I met a cute navy guy, we kissed a little & he gave me a cool gift.

Last weekend he was checking me out on Friday during a party while I was making new friends, 2 new guys I met. Saturday he was starring at me, dunno why but I caught him several times. Even his grandpa who visited the beach bar for an hour or 2 was checking me out, funny. On Sunday nothing happened, did our own thing.

I honestly got excited about seeing him again up until he started acting strange. Ahhh also his very close friend found out last weekend that we were hooking up via another friend & he actually didn’t believe it. Not sure why exactly.

Right now, I’m gonna leave it alone. I honestly believe if a guy wants you, he will go get you. Men are hunters, it’s how they roll. Meanwhile I’m gonna keep meeting new people & keep making new friends.

 

Weekend Update in short

Friday

I went to the best beach party I’ve ever been to, had a blast, met a lot of people & grabbed my guy’s ass when I drunk & then hid behind my new friend.

Saturday

I enjoyed an entire day at the beach. He was there too for the most part of the day. Saw a fortune teller & she said to not overthink things & just have fun & be playful when it comes to current love life. She also said the decision is all mine since I already have this person – that it was just up to me to say yes or no & lead the way.

Sunday Funday

I arrived late at the party but it was absolutely happening when I got there. Quickly caught up on drinking, met new people & got some free drinks. He was there too. At first he appeared to be having fun but later was more chill, dunno why.

As for me, I was on another level. The entire evening was lit for me & even my body was burning with crazy wild fire of desire for him, as he stood a few feet away from me. We pretend we don’t know each other there. And I absolutely love the secrecy.

I don’t know why I’m feeling amazing right now, but this Sun in Leo phase is defo affecting me for the better. Looking forward to my long holiday starting next week & of course as always the weekend.