Night 2: All Over the Place

Day 2 was a peace of cake. Night 2 has been a mess.

My thoughts are all over the place. They are confusing, cloudy and not clear or conclusive; I go back and forth, just like I have with him. Luckily it’s bedtime so I’m just relaxing with some music before I hit the pillow.

I didn’t text him, no urges there, but I did view his instagram story simply because it puts me at ease sometimes. This one didn’t do anything for me.

…and then it happened again, I texted: Are you still taken? 20 minutes before Day 3 started. I give up on this 30 Day Challenge! Obviously it’s ridiculous right now, I have no control.

He opened my text but didn’t reply. This of course made me angry. My first thoughts were I’m blocking him everywhere, but then I thought maybe that’s exactly what he wants, a reaction out of me. So when I see him again, I’m ignoring him, in person.

When I’m feeling things, I express them out. I’m not one of those people that bottles anything inside. So I texted again:

Yes or No is not that difficult
This is what I hate about you
You make everything so difficult

I don’t like this anger coming out but I can’t keep it in.

…and a couple of more texts:

Forget those texts, I was angry
Maybe we should both block each other

I hate feeling like this. No fun at all. I just can’t keep doing this.

He opened my text again but didn’t respond. This time it made me feel better because I was expecting an angry text back.

He’s doing absolutely nothing and yet his has so much control right now. I wish I could do that but it’s not that easy for me.

I don’t know what’s next but I gotta get some sleep right now. Too tired to think anymore, or react for that matter.


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