M O N D A Y

Pretty sure he took the day off today as it’s his birthday, so I’m avoiding the beach bar today, and tomorrow too, as I know he will be there for sure. Instead I made different plans and a change of scenery will do me good.

I didn’t think sending him a happy birthday text would be a good idea, but fuck it, I’m not a dick, so I did. If he doesn’t respond with a thank you, then obviously he’s a dick.

It’s time to take this useless energy and invest it solely in me again, and be very, very, selfish in my decisions, to protect my own happiness and cultivate it. That’s what I’m doing this week and I know this is for the best.

I’m still focusing on weight loss and working out and so far I’ve lost about 7 lbs. It’s a very slow process but it’s working and the weight is staying off. I am losing about 2.2 lbs a month, so it’s slow but steady. My goal is to tone and tighten and I have the drive and the patience for it.

My favorite workouts are swimming and Zumba right now during these hot summer months. Unfortunately it’s been pretty windy, so there are always waves in the water which is very annoying while swimming but I still do it. Zumba I love because it’s a group workout, and you really burn a lot of calories during this 1 hour group session, and it also makes you so happy as dancing is fun and the music is great.

Looking forward to this awesome week off of fun, sun, sea and relaxation. XOXO

UPDATE: He texted me to thank me for the birthday wishes. So he isn’t a complete dick after all but he might be a dick regardless, who knows… I’m gonna quietly remove myself from this situation and let pieces fall where they may because I have my own life to live.

Another guy, a new guy likes me and this of course has given me some power back, but I’m not interested in him, only as a friend, but still it’s always nice to be desired.

UPDATE #2: My friend who is also his friend specifically asked me What about you and (his name) and if anything was going on now……. I haven’t talked to her about him in months, so I was surprised that she brought him up, especially since last time when we couldn’t get together we moved on from that convo and topic for good. Hmm has he said anything to her about me? Perhaps but I’m thinking highly unlikely… Interesting…

 

 

SUNDAY: not as much of a funday after all

Sunday started off ok. I saw him early on and was fine with it.

Then after 1-2 hours I saw her and actually felt sorry for her. They work them hard at the beach bar. Saw her carrying heavy ice trays and emptying them and she had a hole on the back of her black tight shorts on the butt. But I mean we all pick our jobs, they don’t pick us, so I shouldn’t feel bad. I spoke to my friends when I got home, and one of them said don’t feel sorry for her and she is right, I shouldn’t.

I still don’t know if the rumor is true but I didn’t want to find out either, although I had the opportunity to.

I just wanted the time to fly by fast and the day to be done.

I was fine up until about 6 or so. After my mood just got weird, but I think it was the combo of not enough sleep, getting my period early in the morning and way too many people came to the beach bar. It was overcrowded and it was too much for me, so I left early. I also couldn’t look at him after anymore. He gave me this look, a good look and it just killed me. I felt like I needed a break from him.

I got home and texted with my girlfriends who made me feel better, but are unfortunately all far away; London and Arizona. What I needed was a Girls Night in with a good comedy or rom com, wine and treats. I watched one of my fave rom com movies and went to sleep after.

 

 

Confused – Part 2

I saw him tonight and I’m confused again. He has been looking at me a lot. You don’t look at someone you don’t like like this. We were standing close to each other too. As I was picking up my bag and beach towel and was ready to leave the beach bar area, he was observing my every move. I noticed that as soon as I left, he left the beach bar area too.

I don’t know what’s up, but I might keep an eye on how he behaves. I didn’t really look at him much, not after that text I sent last night. I completely ignored him tonight. I usually do. I guess from outside it looks like I’m the one that doesn’t give a fuck.

His eyes on me felt good though. I missed his attention. I crave it.
I can’t look at him for too long, I always feel like I’m getting sucked in.

I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling, I just wanted it to continue and I wanted more. As I was leaving, fantasies in my mind started playing…

About Last Night…

I texted him last night “Miss you” but didn’t get a reply back. The truth is I miss him missing me. I went to bed with tears in my eyes. I hit a temporary low.

This morning I’m back to normal and looking forward to a fun weekend. It’s time to move on, but that’s really hard to do when I see him every week.

There are only 2 ways to move on:

  1. When the beach bar closes for the season in 7 weeks – out of sight, out of mind.
  2. If I actually meet a guy I really life

Luckily there’s not a long way to go until the beach bar closes, so after that I won’t see him at all for a while. I honestly felt like I don’t wanna see him at all anymore right now, but unfortunately all my friends are there so I can’t quit the beach bar – I tried that before and it only made me more sad and isolated.

7 weeks then I will try the 30 Day No Contact Rule for real, the right way you are supposed to do it. Meanwhile I want to meet someone new. Fingers crossed…

C O N F U S E D

I am a bit confused at the moment… I told my guy last week that I have today off & he agreed he wanted to see me. But the closer we got to my day off, the more I felt like there was something in the way again – not sure what.

Today I sent him hot pic but no reply, now that’s off – very weird. I thought ok he is with someone, that’s the only explanation that makes sense to me. So I get to my beach bar & guess who is there enjoying their day off too? Yup, him.

Nothing happened today. We did our separate things. I met a cute navy guy, we kissed a little & he gave me a cool gift.

Last weekend he was checking me out on Friday during a party while I was making new friends, 2 new guys I met. Saturday he was starring at me, dunno why but I caught him several times. Even his grandpa who visited the beach bar for an hour or 2 was checking me out, funny. On Sunday nothing happened, did our own thing.

I honestly got excited about seeing him again up until he started acting strange. Ahhh also his very close friend found out last weekend that we were hooking up via another friend & he actually didn’t believe it. Not sure why exactly.

Right now, I’m gonna leave it alone. I honestly believe if a guy wants you, he will go get you. Men are hunters, it’s how they roll. Meanwhile I’m gonna keep meeting new people & keep making new friends.

 

Weekend Update in short

Friday

I went to the best beach party I’ve ever been to, had a blast, met a lot of people & grabbed my guy’s ass when I drunk & then hid behind my new friend.

Saturday

I enjoyed an entire day at the beach. He was there too for the most part of the day. Saw a fortune teller & she said to not overthink things & just have fun & be playful when it comes to current love life. She also said the decision is all mine since I already have this person – that it was just up to me to say yes or no & lead the way.

Sunday Funday

I arrived late at the party but it was absolutely happening when I got there. Quickly caught up on drinking, met new people & got some free drinks. He was there too. At first he appeared to be having fun but later was more chill, dunno why.

As for me, I was on another level. The entire evening was lit for me & even my body was burning with crazy wild fire of desire for him, as he stood a few feet away from me. We pretend we don’t know each other there. And I absolutely love the secrecy.

I don’t know why I’m feeling amazing right now, but this Sun in Leo phase is defo affecting me for the better. Looking forward to my long holiday starting next week & of course as always the weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ex Lover Update

Saturday I went to the beach bar & my ex lover guy wasn’t there. I noticed that my Saturday was different without him. His friend, who is my friend again, who also fancies me, asked me what was going on between us & if we are still seeing each other & all that. I told him that we weren’t together for months now, but the way he was responding back, his gestures & replies just told me that they have been discussing me together. He also asked me about other guys & told me that he saw me make out with that 1 guy that 1 Saturday. He also asked me if I slept with that guy (again I dunno if he is asking for himself or for his friend) & of course I said that nothing happened between us besides that kissing session that 1 Saturday.

Saturday afternoon was just weird vibes & a lot of people, the regulars weren’t there, and the music wasn’t great. It was this monotonous repetitive sounds and beats that didn’t have much life to it, so of course my energy was down a bit. Luckily my guy friends came over there & I chilled with them for a bit & we all enjoyed a drink & talked.

Later after they left, I got a bit bored & got ready to go to the Music Festival for some awesome House music. When I got there, I saw my guy & was pretty happy to find him there. He said hi to me. His friend was there too now. We walked over together to my ex lover’s table and some of his close guy friends I hadn’t met yet were there too. Now things got a bit weird, because his friend said something like “your ex boyfriend is here (pointing at my guy) and your new boyfriend is here” he meant himself, as a joke of course coz they do that apparently, but it wasn’t funny & since I didn’t know the guys at the table, I didn’t want to to make any comments.

Neither one of us denied that he was my ex. But thing got even more weird when his friend said that I was his girlfriend, as a joke again. My guy’s reaction wasn’t good. He raised his voice & said “YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” & repeated it again, and as he was saying this you could tell that he was a bit pissed off & wasn’t happy about it. I’m not sure how he didn’t get that this was of course just a joke, especially since his friend told me that he always does that to him with girls he goes out with. I said something like “guys please just stop” coz it was embarrassing & didn’t make me look god regardless if it was true or not. You see I don’t screw the crew – I have a code: Pick 1 guy & all his friends & co-workers are off limits. We talked about this before & I told him about it. I then walked off with his friend & told him that I didn’t like that & because I saw my guy looking our way I gestured with my hands too so he knows I wasn’t happy about what just went down.

Anyways the Music Festival was a blast & I had a great time there. On Sunday he was at the beach bar and I saw him look my way & I looked away, but then looked back at him & he was still looking at me, so I looked at him too. It was one of those ok I’m interested in this person again a bit sort of looks for both of us. Sunday was a bit weird for me but it was still fun. I somehow managed to get a new love interest, not on my side, but a guy interested in me that I’m totally not interested in.

On Monday night I had a giant glass of red wine & texted him late in the evening saying that we should have fun again sometime. On Tuesday since I didn’t get a morning reply, I was starting to think that I won’t get one & that was ok too. Just as I completely moved on from it, I got his text at lunch break from him that he would like that too. This made me excited which is nice. This time around it’s just the icing on my cake, whereas before he was my cake. So I think things will be different for me now since I’m already happy. I am very much looking forward to seeing him again. I think we will have a lot of fun together. Stay tuned for more 🙂